2018…Maybe now I can be something amazing!

Now its time to breath deeply and look to the future, actually that is everyday, we need to look to the future every moment because we aren’t going back, we can’t change the past, but all our power and success and satisfaction lies in the future and what we can make of it.

I have tried to do so many courses over the course of my adult life and to date I can honestly say I have not successfully finished one, I have passed units and gained credits for subjects and not strung them together to become an actual degree. No, I take that back, I am a qualified Remedial Masseuse with a piece of paper to prove it. Other than that however I have completed no course stream…and that is definitely my goal.

I mean really, I have now jumped from 15000 feet out of a plane and not stuck with study…I have to do it, I will do it, I am going to complete something before my last breath……Now…what do I want to be when I grow up ? Damn it, how do I complete something when I don’t know what I want to really do?

Adulting is hard.


Live your truth Guys !!!

From Bullied to Bully to Parent…

My first memory of bullying was my first day of kindergarten. I remember the moment all so vividly, almost at the top of the stairs to my classroom I accidentally trod on the little girls foot beside me and she turned on me saying…Watch out fatso you could break my foot. That was the beginning of the tormenting from everyone who heard, fatso became the name and the taunting about not going near my big feet lasted years.

I was already the kid with the uniform not like everyone else’s, I was a larger girl, I had the bad haircut and the block fringe and I was the perfect target for bullies because all I wanted to do was fit in, I would do or say anything for attention and I didn’t learn that my behaviour made me a bigger target until Year 6 when I really wanted boys attention and the girls were mercilous at making sure I never got it.

Another local Public School had small numbers but we were far from the landowners children, I was still the large girl and still bullied by the other girls.

Then changing schools briefly to Forbes In NSW was another battle to survive amongst a set of children that were close knit and didn’t want a new girl in their midst, my brother and I were both taunted and we actually both found solace in the library at lunch times.

I feel like I have spent a lifetime walking a tightrope, watching from afar to learn the language of my peer group. learn what the right thing to say might be, copy and mimic to fit in, make up stories to sound better then I was. I got in trouble for my antics, I made up outrageous stories of wealth and privilege because I thought that was what was expected to fit in…I even did a period of time saying I was older then I infact was.

Finally I ended up in Moree at the high school and the true bullies came out, I had my hair pulled, my bag filled with trash and rotten food, I had people sneer and talk about me as I walked past, the library was my safe place at different periods and I continued to try and simulate into the group so that I felt like I fit in. This took a long time’ years to find myself, to realize I didn’t have to impress anyone, I didn’t have to be anyone but me, from there however it is a lot harder to come back from all the lies and attempts to fit in. Girls are so cruel they will like you one day and hate you the next. The competition for boys is great and the need to brag about exploits is greater. All our different upbringings and the different roles our parents played in our lives and the community all affect how we conducted ourselves.

I did nearly 6 months traveling an hour long into and out of town on a bus where everyone barked when I got on and when I got off. I wasn’t perhaps likeable, I must have been obnoxious and needy and that created the hatred. I could be a bully to others as well, if I saw an opening to feel important and better I took it and I’m ashamed to say it. With my own children I have told them these stories and I have explained that people that bully are struggling in some way and those that get bullied are fighting a huge battle as well.

Take your shoes off, what if…they have a hard time at home, bad family circumstances, a disability, an impederment. Just try and remember that people who bully are usually that way because the only time their strong and tough is when they treat others badly, because they perhaps are treated badly at home. They weren’t bought up with the same moral compass we are. Just try and remember we all have a battle we are fighting that no one else can see.

We try and tell our children to stand up against bullies, stop them If we see them. For me I had a guardian angel, her name is Rebecca and forever I will remember her telling the girls to stop pulling my hair and wake up to themselves. She told them that if they touched me again they would deal with her. She was in Year 11 I think at the time and me in Year 8 and forever I am grateful, still today we are friends and I speak of her to my kids at every opportunity. You see the power we have individually. We have the power to change the life of someone being bullied, we can be the reason someone has a lasting beautiful strong memory of goodnesss amongst the darkness and cruelty of taunting children.

All of my experience though is pre-social media. It stopped once I was home. It was always the foreboding in the morning, but my nights were mine.

Now our children are navigating 24 hours a day through the bully minefield.

They are accessible targets always and we are allowing this to happen, we are giving them phones, we are accepting the social norms and expecting our uneducated children to be strong enough to ignore the comments, taunts and threats.

Should we be making a curfew for devices, should we be taking back control of their access because to my thinking it would then stop the consistency of the downward spiral.

Are we to blame for being blasé about their use of these devices. Are we checking what they are doing and saying ? We need to police the behaviour and guide our children until they are able to do it on their own.

So many laws and rules and yet children are dying because we aren’t protecting them from this epidemic.

Live your Truth

Protect your children x


I have been silent since Dollys funeral because, I myself took the day quite hard, so hard in fact that I deactivated my social media. All of it for the day so that I could Breath.

What an emotional time for the teams of Australians that have gotten onboard with the Dollys Dream Campaign to shine a light on Bullying and eradicate suicide in our youth.

I have been absolutely flawed by the response to the Dolly posts and the comments and inboxes I have received in regards to people suffering under the strain and grief of suicide.

There are so many heart wrenching stories, real, brave Australians taking their own lives because the mountains seem too high, the challenges too great. What is going on?

As one friend said, This is not a problem that begun yesterday, this is human nature.

Human nature, survival of the fittest. It is a endemic problem that has been happening since the dawn of time. It is in us to want to be the best, it is in us to break the weak and follow the strong.

So changing the face of human nature is almost a hurdle too great. What we look to achieve is changing the mindset of our children, one at a time so that instead of growing the behaviour, we recognise it, we stamp on it and we change the stigma. When the bully becomes the shunned then we will have won, when the bully is looked down on by all around and made feel small then we have won because there will always be bully’s in our world, but our individual and group reactions to them can be changed, we can stand against the behaviour and we can make them feel bad for their actions.

To all the wonderful people who have reached out and shared their story with me, Thankyou for inviting me into your world, my heart goes out to each and every one of you and I hope that you find peace. The journey of loss is long but the daily walk through the memories can be uplifting.

To the people who have voiced their issues with this campaign, the negative and the concerned, I have not put your words out to the world because causing grief on top of grief benefits no one. There are 3 sides to a story and I understand that there is always more to a story than what we hear, but the end result for everyone is a life lost, a trauma so great that we cannot possibly understand the effects. Parents losing children, Wives losing husbands, siblings gone, the end result is the same, the burden was too much to bear and the life was ended. So you can stand up yourselves, put your own names out there and question the details, but the cause is far greater, the good that can be done is huge and so in the end the loss of life was not for nothing, something amazing grew from it.


No one person is to blame, and what good is blame anyway? It wont bring Dolly back..

Dolly Everett took her life on the 3rd of January, she made that decision in part due to the bullying she was subject to.

From this point with the encouragement of Kate and Tick Everett Dolly’s parents and Meg her sister the #stopbullyingnow banner has been sent around on Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat, on my blog it has been read in over 30 countries and been reposted thousands of times, we have seen Matt the Outback Wrangler backing the cause, personal messages from strangers and Akubra Australia showing us the face of little Dolly some 8 years earlier when she was the poster child of their Christmas advertising.

I personally have fielded hundreds of messages and comments. Along with the good there is also the bad, there are extreme reactions to a beautiful child taking her own life. Some have directed their comments like that of a witch hunt for the bullies to be named and shamed. Some feel the government needs to do more, the schools need to be more vigilant and more accountable. Parents need to do more to educate their own children.

Dollys death is a tragedy, a plain and simple tragedy. Could it have been avoided? That is a question no one can answer, a person who commits suicide with 100% intent does not plan to let you know of their choice. I need everyone to understand that there is no blame to be leveled at any 1 person, no good can come from making another child or adult feel like they caused Dollys death. You cannot blame yourself for not seeing the warning signs, you cannot second guess your part in Dollys life choices. Unfortunately Dolly and Dolly alone made this terrible decision and in its wake we all need to recognise why and try and eradicate it from happening to someone else. That is the point of putting Dollys face on this Anti-bullying campaign. She is no longer here to speak out, she wasn’t strong enough in life to stand up so in her death we will stand for her.

So please, be kind to each other, be understanding and tolerant and most of all do not look to blame individuals, that wont bring Dolly back, but instead lets make a stand against the erosion that is Bullying, not only in our schools but also our workplaces and homes.

Smile, Breath Deep and be Grateful

It’s just not enough

Since writing out my feelings about Dollys suicide I have not been able to lift the feeling of sadness in my chest. It just doesn’t seem enough, it doesn’t cast a spotlight on this issue, it doesn’t hold the people accountable, in a week it will have past and Dolly, whilst always remembered amongst us, is just another victim of bullying.

I know that if it doesn’t affect us personally then it really doesn’t resonate that youth suicide is a problem, as I have said on more than one occasion it is an epidemic. It is common, just like a cold it is spreading and rather than making the headlines like poverty and terrorism, it is shunned and hidden and brushed over.

My own son suffered such beatings at his high school that he flinched when I tried to hug him, back then it was all about the hazing that occurs in a new school, a right of passage and because he was a boy in an all boys school it was par for the course, but the reality is that it then turned my son into the punisher as he got older, because he earned his stripes, he took the beatings and then earned the right to issue them. This caveman mentality is still rife in our school systems. In the end my son begged me to move him from this school, he begged me and told me that if I didn’t he would leave and never come back, or harm himself so that the craziness would stop. In the end the endless roundabout of school bully tactics and peer pressure broke him. In the eyes of some parents at the time my son was weak, he was the problem in a few instances and therefore he was just running away from the issues. He was even making up the level of suffering and loneliness he endured. He was left in a situation without support and was not listened to. Luckily for me he spoke up and we moved him for his last year of schooling. He became the boy I knew so well, the boy we lost years before to a city based, tall poppy school system that didn’t listen. He became the happy, country friendly soul he was always destined to be, but as a parent I will always feel remorse for what we put him through, for thinking that a first string school would be the best decision.

I know there will be many that rise against my comments, I have family and friends who’s sons and daughters attend such schools and I certainly do not pidgeon hole all children in the category my son was in, just like those that commit suicide to escape their bullies, their demons, the pain, there are some that can not endure the rigors of these schools.

So what do we do? How do we make a definite change? How do we get it out into the schools in a real way? I do not want another child to take their own life because the darkness is to great, I want these children to see there is a way out, the days do get better, the darkness does lift in time and that they need to believe this in order to attain it. You see they get stuck in the negative and can no longer find the positive, they cannot find the happy moments, they cannot see that everyday they are Loved and they are Important beyond measure. Our children need to be told, reassured, taught, hugged, reminded that they are the future, they are the reason people smile and they have a journey ahead that will lead to greatness.

People are coming forward and telling their stories, people who like the Everetts have lost a shining light in their own lives, beautiful children all over our country are choosing to not live another day, another moment, another second. People are choosing to escape the torment, they are so sad, so lost and broken and we cant see it.

I want you all to look at your children, your neighbors, your friends and family and imagine for one moment that they will be gone in a moment, less time then it takes to inhale a breath.

A death in a movie does not show the reality of dying, the stopping of a heart, the lasts draw of a breath, the blood ceasing to move in the veins.

It does not capture the emotional fatigue.

So what to do?? Another campaign, a hotline for the kids to call, a facebook page thats private they can contact. Tell me what’s going to stop the spread ? What one thing can we do to make a permanent change?? Suggestions anyone?

In a moment she was gone…

I got home from work last night at 10pm to my daughter telling me that there was a death in our friend circle.

One of her friends had lost a sister, a beautiful young, vibrant girl had taken her own life.

Every time I hear of someone in our lives passing I have an immediate feeling of despair and pain in my chest. I know it is a normal reaction to death, but since losing my own son in tragic circumstances I am instantly taken to the emotion of such a loss. I feel all the same grief and pain that I personally encountered for the people involved.

The parents of this amazing human being had found their daughter and whilst the details are not mine to share or mine to know, there are some things in life none of us want to ever have to live through, and this is one.

This young woman had only just begun her journey, she woke up and made a decision to not see another morning, for whatever reason this poor angel felt that the world was too heavy, the burdens too great and she couldn’t see the good that she could bring to others, but in her death she will bring waves of change, without even realizing she will have an affect on any or all that ever taunted or bullied her, this death will bring with it great remorse for the actions of others. You see there is no way that anyone who made this child’s life miserable will not somehow hold onto this death and moving forward think about their actions.

In turn her friends will feel this deeply and they will carry into their futures the story of the beautiful girl that was too good a soul for the world. They will tell their children and group of friends about the girl that took her own life because she couldn’t see that light at the end of the tunnel. There will be a lesson that ripples through the ages and perhaps in old age when they take that final breath they will re-unite with her and live on in peace.

I know there are many that think of suicide as a cowardly thing to do, and a terrible act to bestow on your family and friends, but for me all I see is the pain that can transport someone to a place where they feel there is no other way out.

I cannot imagine harming myself to such a degree that the end comes, that my heart stops and yet we are seeing this all too often. How cruel a world do we live in? When the only option our children see to escape torment is ending their own life?

Before your children go off to school remind them to be kind and grateful, remind them to help others, don’t let them pick on others or judge others, be the example and help us make a change.

That child you see who tries too hard to get the attention of others, the one that lies and perhaps steals or tells stories of sexual exploits at a young age to gain peer respect and awe is maybe a lost soul seeking love and acceptance in a place of uncertainty. As I have always said to my own children, Take your shoes off and step into their lives for a moment….don’t just judge from the outside..

Rest now beautiful girl, be at peace in a better place that isn’t heavy on your heart. Know that you are eternally loved and know that your death is not the end but the beginning of incremental change in the way we all think.

To the family of this now angel, know that the fog will stay for a while but eventually it will lift and the memories made in moments will make you smile again.

Love xx

Before that last breath my friends

Smile, Breath deep and be so grateful xx

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