December 2017 – Home and Benny

Have you ever met a child that is so passionate about something, that they simply blow you away with their knowledge and enthusiasm? I am lucky enough to have a young boy in my life that has this passion with livestock. I have known him from birth and he has always been the animal enthusiast, from kittens, lizards, bugs, chooks, sheep, horses and cattle, not to mention fisherman extraordinaire. Ben is perhaps one of the most learned children at the ripe old age of 9. He took me for a ride on his side by side quad and told me all about the quality of the pasture, the use for the cattle and sheep we looked at and the need for further improvements to become successful breeders. He comes alive with the details of these animals, he knows exactly what he wants. He knows the routines, the future plans and the needs for these animals, and I was in pure awe of this passionate boy.

It made me grateful for all the time I have known him, for his Mum and Dad that I love as though they were blood related and for the opportunity to see him become such a confident and assured boy.

I had a terrific time on the weekend, I had been filled with much anxiety at the thought of returning to Moree, Pally and more over the farm and family home I had driven away from over 18 months ago, with only 1 brief visit in that time, I was very worried about returning, you see it is no longer my home, it was once the place I put my heart and soul into, the home that I decorated, renovated and landscaped to a beautiful oasis. We have had parties and even a wedding on the farm, but now it felt like a stranger to me, there are gaps on the walls where the pictures I took once hung. There are piles of items in dusty corners and there seems to be a lack of love, I feel this desolation very deeply, my home was always a warm and friendly place, it was clean and tidy and stocked with food and drinks. This re-union of soughts left me gutted, I wanted to stay and get it back to its former glory, but to what end ? I honestly thought I would never want to return, I never wanted to go back to those dark days and the feelings they bring to the surface. But my home was not the problem. I can see that now, and it made me want to be back there, back making it the family home again.

So it was a lesson, it was showing me that you should never say never, there is always room for reconciliation and rehabilitation. There is always a chance that you will change your mind, your feelings will change, I was thinking in black and white, I think we all do that when we are in a fragile state, when we are at a low point or when we have reached break point.

It’s OK to change your mind, its OK to admit you were wrong and its OK to start over and do it better the next time, life is about falls and getting back up to go on.

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