I am going to turnoff social media and read a paperback book….BUT

Yep, every single morning when I wake up I tell myself to not look at Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat, not emails or Messenger or even text messages. Then, I proceed to look at all of these whilst reassuring myself that I will be quick and I have to look because there may be something important to respond to or something that is critical for me to action…Like really, there is NOTHING that needs my undying attention, there is nothing that will not wait a little longer, there is nothing that is life changing or critical.

So I suppose that is Dopamine. That chemical that is released that gives us a high when we read a message or check an inbox, that chemical that makes us feel all warm, fuzzy and loved. A chemical that literally can make it OK to be late for work, make it OK to just look at your message while driving, make it OK to ignore your family at dinner time or make it OK to forget about being present in our own lives… WHY ??? Because that chemical consumes us and makes everything else going on in OTHER peoples lives more exciting and interesting then our own. That chemical is an addiction that is growing more rapidly then ICE did. I wonder if you put a phone and cigarette in front of the average smoker and had a notification come up on the phone screen, would they light the smoke first or quickly check the message..That is the addiction, that is the issue, that is the damn problem…BUT…I still check all the media’s before resuming my morning face-washing, bed making, coffee drinking routine.

This morning I fought the demon, I tried and failed yet again.

Do you want to know something, I turned off all notifications. I do not get notified of any messages or posts or emails, I turned everything off to break the habit, and now I look more feverishly for updates, I check my phone more often, I have turned my phone off numerous times a day and get so panicked that I could miss an IMPORTANT message that I race to start it back up. If I pick up that paperback novel I have had on my chair for months, I am consumed with thoughts of possible instagram posts, online sales and friends living a better life then me… My mind is constantly working overtime, creating a witty post, sharing the things that are changing my life and …I am not living my life. I have not moved from the kitchen counter, my neck is sore, my shoulders are tense. I have constant issues with eye strain, headaches, body aches.

I go to bed and cannot sleep properly anymore.

What is the answer, what is the future going to look like? Because we all have our heads in a phone looking at other people who’s heads are in their phones, will we eventually have to install travelators in the street so that we don’t run into people, we hop on and let it take us to our stop. Will we turn to lives of indoor only living? Are all the Sci Fi movies of the past that seemed so outlandish actually taking us to our futures?

I can see there will be movements of Tech Free Days, turn off and live campaigns, new retreats for those that want to disconnect and Rehabilitation Programs for those that are trying to break the habit.

Good on all the Tech giants who have created this because it certainly is a greater addiction then gaming, it far exceeds Nintendo and honestly, VR is secondary to that need to check our social media. There seems to be nothing that will trump this, nothing that will take us to a safer more addictive medium.

So, as we all sit and ponder the future whilst checking facebook, Ill leave you to read through my other BLOG posts, check me out on Instagram and I’ll catch you on Snapchat, heck if you cant beat em you may as well join em right???

Smile and Breath Deep everyone


Lunch with a friend is chicken soup for the soul…

Today I have had the opportunity to have lunch with a great friend of mine Cheryl .

I wonder if anyone else is like me ? Do you have all these grand plans to meet up and have lunch and invite people to stay with you whenever they are near your place , only to get to the time set or day and pull out with pitiful excuses of time, appointments or work .. I have that happen a lot and when I hit rock bottom I decided any opportunity I passed up would be one I’d regret so I try hard now to commit and embrace the feelings of worry, stress and anxiety experienced when I make plans.

Sounds strange even to me but I feel that our lives become a safe bubble ,

We know when we go home we are free from judgement and can truly relax, then inviting Someone into that space becomes an anxious roller coaster .

When I lost Tom I found that when you have people over you have to entertain them, be available and that was a strain for obvious reasons but that is my personality .. I feel it broke me a little and now I experience overwhelming feelings of fear when I do have plans .

Saying that however I had lunch today and am so glad I did . To hear about the goings on in her world especially as I love her family so much was just the medicine I needed to remind me that time with a friend gives you perspective and understanding for someone else and stops you dwelling on your own problems. In most cases it melts away your issues and replaces them with endless possibilities .

Thankyou Cheryl

Smile and Breath Deeply xxx

Gym vs Me



The battle has begun, mind vs gym . While I know I need to move my butt I really struggle with that bloody voice in my head saying .. go tomorrow !

How many of you feel that urge to do something good but have it beaten down by the little voice inside ? I know I have lost the battle many times, usually when I’m confronted with pavlova in the fridge at night but even on bigger issues I find that boggling voice coming through.. no don’t go shopping today! could you be bothered finding a park ? Are you wearing the right clothes to be seen in public ? How bout you just go get another coffee … (I always agree with that suggestion)


So how does it go … shut up, get up, dress up, show up!!! Wish me luck …

Smile and Breathe deeply x

Coffee is my kind of Social

Waking up is always a mix of excitement and sadness, first thought is, why can’t I just sleep in but seconds later my brain registers …Coffee Time.

Every day that is the routine, wake, coffee, school run, gym/swim, coffee, housework, lunch, School run, dinner, T.V, Bed. When you look at it written down, the monotony seems to grab hold. The thing is, every day is different, appointments come up, interviews, post office runs, ALDI has its new items on Wednesdays. Not to mention it may be sunny or it could be cloudy, this can certainly make my coffee consumption increase, cold days are coffee heaven

So today included swimming, and since I have managed to lose 1 flipper I have had to actually swim a little more. You see there is something nice about doing a handful of laps with flippers, it’s a brief moment that allows you to feel that you could potentially be the next successful Olympic swimmer, the water sluices over you like it would Thorpe in a gold medal race and it takes next to no time at all to do a lap. Mind you, I am by no means a good swimmer, I actually learned my techniques from YouTube videos and in true me form I then had to buy all the correct items to do the Speedo Training Routine. Yep that’s right I have the bag, the flippers, goggles, pull buoy, hand fins, kick board, polyester cap and yep…Aqua beats, because I have to have music to swim with, strange as it sounds, it calms my breathing (and its really cool to listen to music and swim…Right?). I may look the part, but the reality is vastly different. I have to say that I watch all the daily swimmers that do lap after lap after lap and then there’s me, kitted out and doing slow turtle laps but looking  professional, I then tell myself that I am here just like they are and I am worthy of the lane time.

That’s the other thing, this whole lane deal at the local pool, I have a moment of anxiety as I look into the pool at lane availability,  you don’t want to use the lap lane, you want to use the slow lane, but you don’t want to have to share a lane if its busy, and then you race to the end and pull out all the swimming paraphernalia and hope that you look serious enough that your lane is left alone while you put my earplugs in and cap on to listen to your classical music selection. (Normal behaviour I’m sure)

Once I’ve done a kilometre, Coffee…do you see the recurring daily theme?

I want you to all understand one thing about my love of coffee. Not only do I love Coffee because the taste is a direct kiss from God, I also find coffee to be social. I have lived for the last 8+ months on my own, other than work I didn’t have a social life, and my way of being around people was to go to McDonalds and have a coffee amongst the morning crowd, and although I may not have known anyone, I grew to know the staff and for that 30 minutes every morning I felt less alone and I felt I belonged. So coffee is my happy place, it makes me smile to think I can sit at our local Zaraffas and the girls know me by name and for the time it takes to drink that coffee I belong somewhere.

For all my fellow coffee lovers, Cheers to you all and tomorrow when I have my first hit of caffeine I will think of you and smile.

Till Then…Smile and Breathe Deeply22549536_10154815032042115_8946734787418884102_n

Each Breath is a Gift


Here goes, the journey of a thousand miles that has begun with just one step.

Will my ever caring husband be happy about the  money that has now left his account to set up this page? Only time will tell.

I have been searching for my thing…the one thing that is meant for me for the longest time, almost as long as my journey to lose weight. Oh! hold on… I think I left the womb looking for weight loss programs.

So this is the attempt to make sense of why I am here, what my journey is for and as my page so aptly states..before that last breath..I want to do as much as possible, see everything I can and learn to the very end.

My plan is to explore and share with you all the things that make life interesting, exciting and perhaps by sharing I can start to feel a little less alone and a little more supported.

Thanks in Advance for joining me


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